Gleecap 5.2 – Tina Gets ‘Carried’ Away

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In the second epsidode of Glee’s Beatles tribute, we see some new relationships form, celebrate Rachel’s career progression, and suffer through a Tina storyline. 

We begin with a Blaine and Sam D&M. Sam is uber bummed that he has to go to the prom with Tina and let’s face it, who wouldn’t be? Sue announces the candidates for Prom King and Queen for her combined Senior-Junior ‘Brundleprom.’ The nominees are Blaine, Artie, Stoner Brett, Tina, Kitty and some other random offensive stereotypes.

Tina immediately dumps Sam as her prom date because she’s terrible and wants to ‘maximise her odds’ to be ‘bigger than Jesus.’ Kitty says she will let Tina have it and Tina starts to sing ‘Revolution’. Ugh, shut up Tina. But then the bell rings and everyone leaves, cutting off her performance. Hahahahahahaha. This is seriously the best thing to have ever happened on Glee – ever! Hahahahahaha. Stupid Tina.

We then shoot over to 2 Broke Girls land where Rachel is jealous of Santana landing a commercial for yeast infection medication. The commercial ends with Santana saying, “I like yeast in my bagel but not in my muffin.” Awesome.

But Rachel isn’t genuinely happy for Santana because she’s too self-absorbed. Kurt sings ‘Get Back’ at the annual NYADA piano tuning to help her get her mojo back. Why are they singing the Beatles in New York? Seriously? What is this power that Mr Schu has over these kids? Is he a wizard? He actually reminds me of the dancing demon from the musical episode of Buffy.

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Meanwhile, Samgelina Jolie is developing a crush on the college intern, Nurse Penny.  She’s completely hopeless at her job and I find that endearing and relatable. Sam meekly pursues her by faking snakebites and other injuries. It’s cute. He sings ‘Something’ while she demonstrates the Heimlich manoeuvre on him in slow-mo. It’s classic Glee and I’m loving it. Long story short, her job is threatened by Sue, she gives Sam a needle in the butt, Sam vouches for her, Sue inexplicably relents and lets Nurse Bumble McQuirkypoops stay. Yay!

Kitty told Tina she would let her win prom Queen but the bitchy cheerleaders really want a Cheerio Prom Queen so they campaign on her behalf. Tina confronts Kitty and everyone sides with Tina because they pity her miserable life. Kitty dramatically tears down every fourth poster of herself upset that no one will believe her because of her history of compulsive lying. The bitchy cheerleader enlists Tina’s mentally challenged assistant to help sabotage Tina. Prom night is looking to be a blood-bath, quite literally.

In 2 Broke Girls land, Santana is flirting with a lesbian Demi Lovato while erotically pumping tomato sauce into bottles. But Demi’s character Dani is a full lesbian not just bi and this scares Santana, making her underboob all sweaty. I can’t blame her, lesbians are terrifying. Santana and Demi/Dani sing ‘Here Comes the Sun’ while watching the sunrise, because being literal is cute. 

And it’s prom night already! I must say, the prom committee at McKinley are really good at organising brundleproms at short notice. The Glee club sing ‘Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’ in full get-up. Umm, I know it’s Beatles week and everything, but if this was my prom I would want to be dancing to some Miley or 2 Chainz, not Sgt Pepper.

Stoner Brett and Tina win Prom King and Queen and it becomes clear that the bitch cheerleader’s plan is to ‘Carrie’ Tina by dumping a bucket of red slushie on her. It’s brutal and I don’t like it as much as I thought I would. I never wanted Tina to be bullied like this, I just wanted her to change schools and disappear forever, like that silent footballer guy that was in the Glee Club during the first season.

Tina has a breakdown in the choir room but the kids encourage her to get back out there. Anorexic Marley even offers Tina her dress, because that’s going to make her feel great when she can’t fit into it – bitch was bulimic was last season. Blaine leads ‘Hey Jude’ while they wash her with towels as if she were actually Jesus. If there was anything that could make me like Tina it would be ‘Hey Jude’. She returns to the prom triumphant. I still kind of hate her though.

Sue decides to promote bitch cheerleader to captain because she wants the Glee Club to have a rival to push them to perform better. And we have our Sue Flip for the episode.

Back in the diner, Santana laments that she will only receive a lifetime supply of Yeast-I-Stat instead of residuals for her commercial. Girl, don’t knock it, that lifetime supply is probably going to come in handy.

Kurt is also working in the diner now because he needs something to do besides misrepresenting Vogue by wearing horrible vests. Vampire Carlisle is sitting at Rachel’s booth and orders a whole cake with, ‘Congratulations Rachel Berry you are Fanny Brice’ written in icing. I don’t actually think that would fit on a cake but whatever, go Rachel? The New York gang celebrates in their loft and sing ‘Let It Be.’ The Glee Club kids sing the same song back in Ohio with Tina taking lead vocals. Ugh Tina. Yep, I’m sick of her again.

Next week is the episode we have all been dreading. I predict tears, flashbacks, and Journey.

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